Know the law.

Do not use your strength
to control the situation.

Being stronger does not give you the right to make someone stay, listen, agree or give way. That includes standing over them, blocking their path or making them afraid of what you might do.

If an argument is escalating, step back. Where everyone is safe, walk away and leave the discussion for another day.

You do not have to resolve everything now. You are responsible for what you do now.

“I only…”

“I only grabbed her wrist.”

An unlawful grab can be battery. There does not have to be a bruise.

“I only threatened him. I wasn’t going to do it.”

Causing someone to apprehend immediate unlawful violence can be assault without physical contact. Other threats have their own offences.

“I only wanted her to stay and listen.”

Preventing someone from leaving can amount to false imprisonment.

“I only kept calling because she wouldn’t answer.”

Repeated unwanted contact can become harassment or stalking. Wanting a reply does not entitle you to pursue someone indefinitely.

These examples illustrate possible offences; the facts and the elements of each offence determine the charge. See the legal references below.

What you must not do.

These are FWA’s behavioural rules. Some describe criminal conduct; others set the standard we expect of a responsible parent.

• Do not hit, slap, push, grab, shake or spit at someone during an argument.
• Do not squeeze someone’s throat, cover their mouth or obstruct their breathing.
• Do not block exits, pin someone down, lock them in or otherwise stop them leaving.
• Do not threaten violence, or threaten self-harm to force someone to comply.
• Do not smash belongings, punch walls or use your physical presence to intimidate.
• Do not force or pressure someone into sexual activity.
• Do not control someone’s movements, friendships, clothing, work or access to money.
• Do not take their phone, keys, passport or medication to restrict their freedom.
• Do not secretly track them, follow them or access their accounts without permission.
• Do not bombard them with messages, repeatedly turn up or recruit friends to pursue unwanted contact.
• Do not share intimate images without consent or threaten to expose them.
• Do not use money, housing or private information to force someone to stay with you.
• Do not use your child as a messenger, spy, bargaining chip or weapon.
• Do not make your child choose sides or feel guilty for loving their other parent.
• Do not expose your child to threats, intimidation or violence.
• Do not take your child abroad without the consent or court permission required.
• Do not ignore protective orders or bail conditions.
• Do not fabricate allegations or evidence, intimidate witnesses or pressure someone to change their account.

These rules concern abuse and intimidation. Necessary, reasonable action to protect someone from immediate harm is a different legal question.

Your children do not need to be the target to be affected.

A child can experience the fear, hear the threats or live with the aftermath.

Family courts consider domestic abuse and its consequences when deciding child arrangements. They can make findings without a criminal conviction, applying the civil standard of proof. An allegation is not itself a finding, but the absence of a prosecution does not settle the family-court question.

Family Procedure Rules: Practice Direction 12J ↗

Your behaviour can become part of the evidence on which decisions about your child’s life are made.

When you feel yourself losing control.

Stop the argument. Let the other person leave. Do not follow them to continue it.

Put the phone down before sending another angry message. Keep necessary parenting communication brief, practical and within any restrictions.

If you need to step away, make sure your child remains safely cared for. Get help with your behaviour before the next confrontation.

If you are being abused, you deserve protection too. Seek safety and support. Retaliation can create further harm.

Being furious does not make the next decision for you. You still have to make it.

Remember why you are reading this.

FWA argues that responsible fathers matter. That requires us to be direct with fathers about responsibility.

We can challenge an unfair system and still insist that men understand the law and govern their own behaviour.

Forewarned is forearmed.
Box clever.

Your children need you to remain a safe, dependable presence in their lives. Think about that before you act.

General information for England and Wales, not advice on an individual case. This is a reference to key offences, not an exhaustive criminal code. “Domestic abuse” describes a category of behaviour; each criminal offence has its own elements and defences.

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